We've Come a Long Way.

14 October 2008.

We’ve come a long way baby. From crony capitalism to cry-baby capitalism. And I love it. 

Some party poopers say the world has changed or is changing or needs to change. That Johnny come lately Barack Hussein Obama is coming up with ridiculous tax plans that assume taxing the rich is good economics and good governance and even Joe the plumber’s saw through his hollow claim. Way to Go Joe! That’s a leaky faucet you fixed real good. He’d be a real drain on our finances. That’s not how the World Bank propounded trickle down theory works and we have the financial meltdown to prove it. See how quickly the disaster has trickled down and in a couple more decades we’ll figure out a way to make the benefits trickle down to Joe too. McCain has rightly hurled the ultimate insult at Barack Hussein Obama – “Socialist”!! That ought to teach him. German Chancellor Angela Merkel is attacking “Wall Street greed and American arrogance” President Sarkozy is asking for a “new capitalism”. In all this madness before any Red Commies jump in and say “Oh we have an answer ready and its called Socialism” please get back to your position at the end of the line. If you’ve recovered from their shrill, irritating and supercilious voices President Sarkozy, please turn your attention to those of us more worthy of an audience since Monsieur Le Président, merci mais nous avon déjà une alternative. And that alternative is “Cry baby Capitalism” Ta da!  And if you don’t agree I’ll whine and I’ll bawl and I’ll hold my breath till my face turns blue.

Markets the world over are tanking and every broker, businessman, fund manager and stock analyst is looking for the bottom, coming across several asses in the process. Butt seriously, no I mean enough bumming around, in behind-sight everyone’s a genius as recession rears its ugly posterior again. If you’re in the financial market the government’s got your back. No I mean really, our rears are covered by the RBI or the Fed or someone or the other. So quit worrying and drink up get back into the market – bottoms up I say. And if you don’t, I’ll whine and I’ll bawl and I’ll hold my breath till my face turns blue.

Alan Greenspan - he who was hailed by most as the wizard who knew it all, the Gandalf to all us Hobbits in the world of finance, is now being attacked by any and every irrelevant, inconsequential columnist who knows nothing about managing money since they’ve never made enough to manage. Die-hard free market economists are suddenly turning protectionists and regulation lovers and if this doesn’t stop I’ll whine and I’ll bawl and I’ll hold my breath till my face turns blue. 

Over-reaction is king. No wait, that was profit is king That’s right. It is, and that’s the premise the whole superstructure of American Capitalism rests. To understand the true beauty of Capitalism, the brilliance of profit making and its elegant ways of providing for all allow me two examples.  Example 1: Heard of death bonds? No wait, that’s a crass term, we sophisticates have come up with something far more cool sounding, we call them “life settlements”. Much nicer na? Anyway so the deal is this that we take someone say 65 year old, lets call her Aunty  Adam Smith who has a life insurance policy worth $100,000 which will mature when Aunty Adam Smith is 70. She needs some money today so we in all our benevolence give her 40,000 dollars and take on the policy. She gets the money up front and we collect $100,000 when the Fat Aunty Sings. Not that we are counting on her quick death. Of course not. She should live long and healthy just as long as she kicks the bucket before we lose too much on paying the premiums or the interest. In case any of you are shocked and awed at our magnificent generosity, Hello! We’ve been trading such instruments bunged together as bonds for the longest time on wall street. Was invented by the brilliance that management factories manufacture and send to us every year. All the socialist and liberal lefty types might be put off by this but my free market profit seeking brothers and sisters can understand. Some of our philanthropic brothers in the US have come in for criticism for bundling together such life settlements of an entire African American community which they felt wouldn’t live too long, I mean gang bangers and all you know, minimized risks, hedged their bets and gave back to the community, for a small profit. I mean try and do a community a favour and see the thanks you get. Sheesh!! Those used to welfare will never learn.  I say we go one better and securitize the LIC policies of an entire minority ghetto in Ahmedabad - securitize them, bundle them and create a bond and wait for the next riot. Would that be a grand harvest or what? Imagine the return on that fund? Or better still, the entire kid population at the Dhanbad mines, I mean get a policy out on the kids the premiums would be ridiculously low and in that environment people are lucky if live to be 40. Is that a business plan or what? And if you don’t agree I’ll whine and I’ll bawl and I’ll hold my breath till my face turns blue.

Chomsky had attempted to draw a connection between cutting welfare for single mothers in a certain black neighborhood in New York and the increase in the number of adolescents and teens getting into crime and forming gangs, thus causing an increase in the city’s spend on police patrol cars, cops, guns, ammunition, the works, which was a bigger drain on the exchequer than the welfare itself. Ya right! A theory mooted by lazy non-achieving losers! And next you’ll say that there is a connection between the types who opposed the right to information act and those who pushed for it.  All those who opposed the Right To Information act tooth and nail (and failed, valiant effort though) are hard core free market cheerleaders (Yea! and a whoopee for them!!)  and those who pushed the bill through  are liberal lefty types. Now you’ll try to establish that crony capitalism thrives on non-transparency and these liberal lefty types are lovers of justice. Ya right. Its just a co-incidence, that’s all. And if you disagree I’ll whine and I’ll bawl and I’ll hold my breath till my face turns blue.

Example 2: T Boone Pickens, chairman of the BP Capital Hedge Fund, has bought the rights to drill for water in the Texas panhandle. So he’ll suck the ground water from miles. No permissions needed to be sought from other communities who might also depend on ground water He achieved this when certain favorable policy makers were in power. He’ll spend many more millions to get a pipeline ready to go all the way to Dallas. Now all he is hoping is for a drought in Dallas in the next few years, and he’ll make hundreds of millions. I mean how strong a negotiating position are you in when you’re dying of thirst? I’m not sure if the old geezer will be around to count his stash (he’s 80!) but he would have done a great service to our cause dear fellow crybaby capitalists. It’s not for nothing that he’s celebrated as a true American visionary by his admirers and friends in the government. He was one of the largest contributors to George Bush’s election campaigns. Both. That’s how big his heart is. Redistributing wealth. This is just an effort to level the already level playing field. That’s right, the world is flat, like Mr. Friedman has pointed out, good old Friedman who is the Eminem or Baba Sehgal of economics. And anyway who sells more? M S Subhalaxmi or Main Bhi Madonna. And I have established earlier that profit is king, and if you say that was Elvis, I’ll whine and I’ll bawl and I’ll hold my breath till my face turns blue.

Just one irritating little voice spoiling the new Capitalism is the small greedy whiners making the rest of us look bad. Not you Joe, you’re on our side, others like you. The small investor going Boo-Hoo!! I lost my life’s saving. Boo-Hoo! My pension. Boo-Hoo! My child’s education fund. Boo-Hoo! My hillbilly country cousin’s goat’s medical benefits. Get over it. It was greed that made you dream a dream you had no business dreaming. Leave that to Wall Street - the architects of the new world, the engineers of the brave new economy the ones who can take it in the jaw without batting an eye-lid. Those petty whiners make the rest look bad and if they aren’t done away with and dealt with severely I’ll whine and I’ll bawl and I’ll hold my breath till my face turns blue.

I could go on and on with examples that demonstrates the brilliance of the American Capitalsit model from mining in South America in the 50s to privatization in the 90s but then I don’t want to overstate a case that has been overstated by our friends in mainstream media for eons. But now there’s a new trend. Keynes it seems is back in fashion like those horrible bellbottoms from the seventies that reared their ugly rumps in the mid nineties but went out again (thank God) had once said. - “Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most greediest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.” This year they gave the Economics Nobel to that Keynesian economist, Paul Krugman - victims of ideological fashion, the compensation for the poor sods who cant afford REAL fashion at Harrods, Melrose Avenue or 5^th Avenue. But all this will go away soon and if it doesn’t I’ll whine and I’ll bawl and I’ll hold my breath till my face turns blue.

And for those of you who are wondering why my face will turn blue on holding my breath and not red, its because we never turn Red, even in the face of a suffocating death. Even if you cut me it shall be blue blood, I wont bleed Red and if I do I’ll whine and I’ll bawl and… you know the drill. 

Dot Commers to Full Stops.

7 October 2008

At first there was nothing.

Just a point.

A Dot.

And then there was Dot Com.

 

The rustle of crisp cash

the bustle of investors dash.

Credit registers ringing loud

Young dot commers doing Mamas proud

Every geek’s five minutes of fame

After all it's an ideas game

And if it fails marketing’s to blame.

Every young Turk and his dog

E-merged from the IT fog

Plans that promised millions spun

Quite like a hundred meter run.

 

"A few million sir that’s all it takes

to tell the wizards from the rakes.

Make it BIG. Lets up the stakes."

 

Investors blind as bats they flocked

Like ships at sea in Cyberspace they docked.

And at first even big bucks were clocked.

But then the first ship rocked.

 

A party pooper asked, "But where’s the money?

I've seen millions sink and it isn’t funny

It's about time I got something back.

It’s my turn now, to count the stack.

Dollars have been burnt like fuel.

Account for it kid. That's a business rule.

Newton said every action must react.

Equal and opposite or something like that.

I gave you enough to buy a yacht.

And for that that investment, what have I got?"

 

"Patience sir. We'll bail out soon.

Another round of funding - I promise the moon.

Haven’t you heard of Sabeer the wiz kid.

For Hotmail he got a 400million bid."

 

"I'm not Bill Gates my son.

And he too must regret what’s done.

It's too late, I'm pulling the plug.

I own your house, your suit, your rug.

I'll be back to claim what’s left.

And what you've done is no less than theft."

As one ship sank, as if on cue,

A thousand others went down too.

The world economy shook, spluttered and stopped.

And out of the Titanic the little rats they hopped.

Business ideas that now sound absurd,

took us for a spin with some hair brained nerd.

With laws and rules they went to town

but what goes up must come down.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,

Dot Com bubbles finally bust.

 

And then the new fads.

Complex financial instruments.

Lost at sea creating wealth.

The world waits with baited breath

As Fannies and Freddies

in whirlpools and eddies

spin round, drown, heavy, overfed

upturned green arrows trading in red.

Alerts ignored warnings waved

The Tsunami struck, mountains caved

Giants hitting the floor flounder

FDs now seem a lot sounder

Crying for rescue yesterdays mints

Distributing titillating investment hints

Blurring the lines between fiction and fact

They had cute names for each juggling act

Balloon loans, naked short and rollover,

Not now honey and more over

Collateralized Debt Obligations are sunk

Structured Investment Vehicles are junk

Bonds aren’t quite as sexy as James

Derivatives seem like boring games

The sharp crisp image setting free

The fat, lard and oil for all to see

Wanting more to stem the rot

Another 2 trillion is what they got

Swallowing plankton this mighty whale.

The sharks waiting to exhale.

Hello Beautiful! Looking Gorgeous! Vaant Lift Baby?

27 September 2008.

Hah! Move over boring old policy wogs. Asif Awesome Ali Zmooth Zardari, has made the world and USA sit up and take notice of him. Yes ladies and gentleman the charmer par excellence sweeps Sensual Sarah Palin the Republican VP candidate off her feet with a – “Looking gorgeous, now we know why America loves you so much. I can give you another hug if the photographer wants.” A rakish grin and a twirl to that mustache then. Shava Asif! Shava!

And other such priceless clinchers have helped Asif Ali Zardari pull off a foreign policy coup. And Pakistan is great at pulling off coups - foreign policy or not, Baby!

Hah! Albela Asif laughs in the face of dull bespectacled (unless the spectacles are rimless titanium Kazuo Kawasaki’s 704 series that Sarah Palin has made fashionable) foreign relation experts mouthing pedantic drivel with strange stiff accents about paving the way for increased co-operation and mutually beneficial blah di blah. Not this Smooth Sophisticated Sindhi. He makes that extra effort when it comes to cementing foreign relations, at least 10% extra effort. Baby!

Hah! Asif the Artful Aristocratic sneers as nuclear deals are struck and polite and servile fawners marvel at their luck. This is Pakistani politics baby and this is how they do it. In that land of feudal chiefs and politicians prone to primitiveness, protocol is nothing unless its proto-cool, Congress is nothing unless its Con-grace, an official tour is nothing unless its official too-her, white house briefs are nothing! Pakistan’s able and graceful President is rewriting the rules of engagement here. Baby!

Hah!! Asif the Awesome Azam-e-quaid (or something like that) welcomes you to the new face of international relations. Awesome Asif would like to ignore those who say that no one really wants change in Pakistan. No one who matters that is, which is about 500 families who play musical chairs, oppose each other every now and then, make a few visits to jail until they are back living the life and doing their bit to keep status-quo in the larger context. More on that as all go clubbing, Baby! This is how foreign relation type business things are done. This is a long way from going clubbing not so long ago where clubs were carried and a strike out was a good thing. The new style is quite more fun for both parties though, the old way clubbing left the shoulders of men sore and first aid requirement for ladies in case of a too hard strike to the head was inconvenient. But Steely Sinewy Sindhi is more progressive than you imagine, Baby!

Hah!! The Flamboyant Phenomenon of Progressive Pakistan is all set to charm not only Slightly Surprised Sarah but also Market Mantra Memorizing Manmohan. He is his biggest fan he says.  But Annoyed Asif’s magical magnificence does not seem to be working on the Sturdy Sardar because the Radical Reformer has eyes only for a Texan’s Trot and not the Sindhi’s Swagger. The Mild Mannered Manmohan Singh clinching a historic deal that will enable India to go clubbing with the exclusive nuclear club, always the gentleman is subtle and understated in his flirtation with Darn Dashing Dubya as he says bashfully - that all Indians love George Bush very much.

Of course we do – I’ll just get my club. Vaant lift baby?

Free Fall

21 September 2008.

“What happened was a failure of risk management. This is what economists call moral hazard. The risks lie with somebody else and you get the gains”.

“Its regrettable and a huge failure of American public policy.”

“We just can’t let companies become too big to fail”

John Snow - George Bush’s former US treasury secretary.

“The bankruptcy of Fannie and Freddie would have meant Armageddon. Would have meant the meltdown of the financial system. Its one of the cases where the market can not look after itself, too bad we end it here (sic) but at this point it was the only option I believe ”

“It was too big to fail no doubt”

Domenico Siniscalco – Former Finance Minister of Italy. Currently employed as a fellow with Merrill Lynch who was advising the US treasury on the Fannie Freddie rescue plan.

“Paulson really had no choice. It wasn’t a matter of if, but when and he did what he had to do. And its not a popular move but its one that had to be taken.”

Timothy Adams - former undersecretary of the US treasury.

The above quotes were made at a conference of former finance ministers from various countries, in Virginia.  (Interviews available on NPR podcasts)

There’s a whole new meaning to the phrase Free Fall. In one case it gives you an exhilarating feeling as you have no force acting on you other than gravity, tumbling through space rollercoaster like feeling you’ve left your stomach behind. The other free fall is an exhilarating feeling of falling due to greed and clumsiness but getting taxpayers to catch you. It’s free and the taxpayers get a nauseating feeling in their stomachs that they might as well have left behind.

Across the board in columns and discussions there seems to be one consistent point of that what happened was regrettable, its unfair but there was no choice but to come to the rescue of these falling giants no matter how foolish they have been. The alternative, not doing anything and expecting the invisible hand of the market to work, was far too disastrous. This even from die-hard pro market economists and neo-liberals.

Another rather unlikely outcome of this crisis has been the rediscovery of words like moral hazard and greed into economic discourse. Even NDTV’s show The Big Fight asked the question, is greed responsible? And we had brokers and bankers holding forth on a subject that usually Asaram Bapu and Swami Ramdev would be found sermonizing on.

In fact Moral Hazard is not a phrase from a book on moral science or philosophy, it is in economics text books but is almost always forgotten after graduation.

Moral hazard as John Snow explains in the first quote is when gains lie with one party and the costs with another. It’s become an issue right now because both are showing up on balance sheets. But for the longest time moral hazard has been ignored when it comes to industry. Destroying a lifestyle, environmental degradation and poison in ground water, children dying of respiratory disorders near mines the list is endless, have all been moral hazards. But in those cases the costs don’t show up in balance sheets (they would if regulators did their jobs) so its not even acknowledged as a cost. Basically if a cost doesn’t show up on balance sheets it’s termed an externality in business jargon. That’s a different matter different column.

Right now lets stick with why it was necessary to rescue organizations that were brought down by greed or irresponsible risk management or both.

Basically they were too big to fail. The one line repeated by all. Their failure would have meant a meltdown that would have made several economies collapse. Rescuing them will be unfortunate for many, their failure would be unfortunate for many too.

While shooting at the Reliance Jamnagar Refinery years ago we were often treated to Dhirubhai Ambani’s quotable quotes. One attributed to him was – “If you want to succeed, align your interests with the countries interests.”

The modern day cynic is free to interpret that as align your interests with the govts. interests.

There was the famous case of the Amarnath Hedge Fund going bust a few years ago sinking with it many medium and small investors through their pension funds, before that there was the Amarind (or was it Amarynd) fund too that went down taking with it pension funds and school teacher’s savings and the pension plans of several such. There were no rescues at the time, as the moral hazard clause in market economics wouldn’t allow it. In fact no one other than people who’s money was sunk suffered.

So it’s not only a question of moral hazard, there were no rescues there simple because they weren’t big enough, they had not aligned their interests to the countries interests, they weren’t plugged into the mother-board and become part of the circuitry like a virus or entered the blood stream like a healthy tonic (take your pick depending upon your ideology).

Since Fannie and Freddie there have been more bailouts, AIG being the more recent, more are expected. And as pointed out by all, they are all too big to fail. How big does one have to be to get into the too big to fail league? A minimum balance sheet requirement? Assets held? No ball park figure there, its just a question of aligned interests.

Corporate India had figured this out way back and had aligned interests all over the place. You hardly hear a voice, even the most reasonable ones who say the Tata Nano plant can’t be allowed to fail (even if one has to push it through without considering the externalities). Its too big for Bengal, its failure means Bengal can say good bye to any investment ever, or an SEZ in Maharashtra (which Reliance tried to block the referendum to. They went to the high court trying to prevent a govt. poll asking the villagers if they wanted an SEZ on their land), or lignite mines in Gujarat. Failure would be unfortunate for many. Not resolving resettlement issues would be unfortunate for many too.

At the same conference in Virginia where the above quotes are from, India’s former Finance minister Yashwant Sinha was asked how this affects India. He said it wont really since we have regulators who have been doing their jobs. No one here is too big to fail. Almost suggesting we have figured out the answer to John Snow’s problem of how to ensure companies don’t get too big to fail.

Is that true? Its not just banks that can cause such disasters, industry too can and today more than ever both are inextricably linked. And it may not always show up on your balance sheet till its too late. Perceptions are being created that certain projects are too big to fail. Their failure would lead to a bleak future for generations. Is that true? And even if it is, should it be this way? Should we be creating a too big to fail delinquent?

Do we celebrate Indians listed on Fortunes billionaire lists while reports at home (govt. and non govt.) show the rate at which inequalities have grown over the past few years, because we feel our interests are aligned with theirs? We’re plugged into the same circuit?

If the destinies of millions are aligned with the interests of a few who make decision based purely on balance sheets, for who moral hazard is a fading textbook memory and where greed is being discussed rather seriously as the cause of collapse (or stupidity depending on who you speak to), you have a recipe for disaster.

One so hopes George Bernard Shaw was wrong when he said – “We learn from history, that we learn nothing from history.”

Now Clear Fission.

22 June 2008.

The dust has now settled on the political and nuclear frenzy of the last few weeks. Some things are now clearer than they have ever been before. The battle lines are drawn and visible. Its now clear. 

But first a quick recap.

Described as a 20-20 match by many it had its googly moments. Advani padding up only to realize Mayawati has already taken strike, the BJP not sure whether to be on the back foot or front foot looked like the party with two left feet (no offence to the real Lefties), the Left meanwhile busy setting the field for Mayawati but Manmohan Singh, man of the match-like carrying the team to victory while the rest were busy preparing their battling line up, and the priceless cheerleader-like entertainment provided by the Congress’s new best friend Amar Singh. (An Amar Singh press conference has more gags in it than all the laughter challenge stand up comic shows put together. Simply riveting! He should charge for attendance. He’ll make a killing.)

On a more serious, somber and conscience appealing note the Congress asked the Akalis  and the BJP to vote on conscience! So 7 BJP, 1BJD and 2 TDP MPs voted on “conscience” for the UPA. One Akali Dal MP abstained, maybe he agreed with the lobbying by various Gurudwara Committees including the highest to vote for a Sikh (the safety net of religion never quite untied and put away). The “conscience” acted against party line. Then the 5 criminals, two convicted of murder one serving a life sentence were brought to parliament to solve India’s energy needs.

An airport has been renamed overnight after Chodhry Charan Singh to please Ajit Singh, allegations of money and promises of ministerial births to convicted murderers and political posts to their sons, its all being done with gay abandon. Salman Khurshid on record calling them “legitimate incentives” to vote for a govt.

Then what is being described time and again as a “shameful day” for Indian democracy after 3 BJP MPs waved wads of notes in parliament accusing the Samajwadi Party of trying to bribe them with a senior Congres functionary being the deal fixer. This is the moment being described as a black day for democracy. I’m not sure why. Because it happened if it did? Because it was displayed in such a crass manner live on TV?

Is any of this new to confidence votes?  One has to be blind or a complete idiot not to have known this all along, regardless of the veneer of respectability and sophistication that was thrown over it in earlier days. Its now clear.

So those who feel Indian governance has just recently been “exposed”, welcome to the planet, it’s called Earth, new around here?

What has been exposed more than ever is the urban Indian Aam Aadmi who mind you is a different species from the rural Indian Aam Aadmi. The polarization of aam admis has been the most apparent for those who care to look beyond the obvious Left wing-Right wing, Communist-Capitalist arguments.

The new item in town, the urban, educated upwardly mobile professional. The most fickle and self centered sub set in India today that swings from one political ideology to the other as long as the next quarter results are guaranteed. A voice that is far louder than his numbers warrant. Who has been given far more comment space than his stake in the nation deserves, a small percentage of the whole that can scream the house down with influence and visibility that far outweighs his vision. His amplifier, loudspeaker, spokes-person is the Indian mainstream media which like the urban educated elite chooses to see and assimilate only as much is possible with the least imagination, thought or strain on the brain. Common Minimum Perception.

The cacophony of columns, realms of news print on the nuclear deal has polarized commentators, colleagues, print and electronic media into Bush like “you are either with us or against us” positioning.  What’s now clear is how every one panders to their constituency. Constituencies aren’t just a delimitated geographical areas put under an MP or MLA. A constituency is what makes you relevant.

Film stars have constituencies, media houses have them, corporations have them, preachers, missionaries, imams, gurus, all have their constituencies – the people that make them relevant.

The BJP and Congress are each other’s clones when it comes to economic policy and the only thing that separates them is the convenient “communal agenda”. More specific constituencies are Maratha pride for the Shiv Sena’s Thackerays, the Hindu Right for the VHP, Dalits for Mayawati, anyone who’ll listen for the Left, allotted zones for MPs and MLAs, and corporate India for Manmohan Singh.

Take the Maratha pride aspect away and the Shiv Sena or Navnirman Sena will seize to exist. They are irrelevant to any other picture so they must pander to and cultivate that lot. Take the Dalit out of the picture (as shining India has successfully done for a decade now) and Maywati’s gone, she’s irrelevant to urban India. And take corporations out of the equation and Manmohan Singh is immaterial to any thing else, no longer relevant to any other geographic, social, economic sub set.

So to figure a persons actions one need to know the motivation for which it’s imperative to figure his or her constituency. Its not a good or bad thing, its human nature to want to be relevant and whatever makes you relevant you wish to make prosper.

Advani they say had come up with a solution to the Ram Temple – Babri Masjid conflict at the early stages. It was to remove the mosque brick by brick and replace it as near the original plot as possible as has been done with several historic structures around the world while building dams etc. Some thought it wasn’t such a bad idea. You do your thing and I do mine 200 yards from each other. Would anyone buy it? The man who wanted to fix that deal was Advani and his constituency was more than obvious. Even if that solution was acceptable to some, him doing it was not palatable.

Now no matter how good the deal is - would people outside the “shining India” constituency be comfortable with Manmohan Singh making that deal if one takes the trouble to look at history? Go figure.

Finally whatever happened, happened for the best. Defining moments in Indian democracy  that weren’t black days at all but in fact  – hello sunshine!

We finally have a PM who belligerently gave it back to Advani as good as he got, the gloves are off. Good thing. Now let the battle begin.

Such a charged debate will get us the best deal possible with each comma and full stop being scrutinized. Good thing. No one will hurry into any major policy initiative without considering repercussions even if a somewhat indiscreet and imprudent American administration cheered along, Bush giving our PM a pat on his back for his heroics.

Such blatant use of money power by moral contortionists out in the open for all to see and revile, very good thing.  Makes it much easier for a decent individual to decide if specific political parties are the problem or the political process.

And the aam aadmi can see once and for all who’s pandering to which constituency, not just politically and commercially, but in pop-communication too. Its now clear.

Aam Aadmi? Who, me?

17 April 2008

The colour red doesn't just sell coke. It strikes a rather discordant note with most mainstream columnists and commentators. What is it about the Left that makes most educated post liberalized Indian intelligentsia react so sharply? 

The Maoist victory in Nepal has been amongst the most grudgingly covered especially in print. So Prachanda and gang are looked at with some sort of consternation and their storming to power democratically, just about tolerated.

There are realms of newsprint giving sage advice that the Nepal experience is a good opportunity to for Indian Maoists to learn some lessons. But how about the other lesson, the more important one to be learnt? That when corruption and injustice become unbearable something's got to give.

King Gyanendra trying to cling on pathetically strikes me as more bizarre than a Maoist victory.

He has been given the option by Prachanda to live like an ordinary citizen. Doesn't sound so bad you'd think, but who wants to be ordinary when you can be extraordinary? Or as Shakespeare said "Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable." So the King wishes to stay remarkable. No news of plans of abandoning the palace or sounds of reconciliation. No photographs or quotes yet, but we might see plenty on page three when he moves boria-bistar to India and is seen attending some polo match or the other. Since the only "news" doing the rounds is that, the king might "flee" to Rajasthan, or some speculate Bangalore. Why flee? And why to India? Because living like a common man in your own country is no match against mai baap culture obsessed, left bashing urban liberalized India.

Although the royal titles, privy purses etc. were removed long ago, most royals still take that title and their blue blood rather seriously. Most made the transition to politics with ease given our political culture where scion, dynasty, lineage are an integral part of the political lexicon, even for those in parties with socialist pretensions. That's not all, then there's the protectors of Hindutva and their take on Hinduism too.

As reported by several papers a mahant from Gorakhpur (from the "lineage" of the Kings family guru etc.) is organizing a three-day meet at Devi Patan from the 25th of to the 27th of April, with Nepal as the main agenda. Several Hindu groups are participating. The World Hindu Conclave will discuss how to save the King and Hindutva. Can you believe it? Hey Ram. Bas ye hi dekhna tha.

The BJP's PM in waiting not exactly known for his discretion is quoted as saying (by the Indian Express) at a seminar on Democracy and Conflict Resolution in Asia - "My party and I stood firmly by the side of the people of Nepal in their desire for effective and fully empowered democracy. But we also backed their other aspiration which was suppressed by the rise of Maoist forces in the politics of Nepal: namely, preservation of Nepal as a Hindu Kingdom with constitutional monarchy."

According to the same visionary L K Advani - "Maosim and democracy are a contradiction in terms. The two can not go together."

I see. And Democracy and monarchy aren't contradictions? I've been taught not to argue with genius so I wont.

Moving swiftly on. Clinging pathetically to power is part of our political culture. Neither geo-politic changes, nor social transformations nor ripe old age creeping up on firmly entrenched leaders can make them exit gracefully. There's Surjit and Jyoyi Basu but.. oops.. they're Lefties, so they don't count.

Various circuses played out over the past few years in Jharkhand, Goa, Chhattisgarh and Bihar have proved, being disgraced is a better option for most in power than being dislodged.

Now his royal highness King Gyanendra is being given an honourable exit route. Be done with monarchy live like an ordinary citizen. But no!! When there is the option of a dishonourable and distasteful exit why take the honourable one. In all fairness to him, its out of the palace right now, a few months or a year down the line there will be inquiries, cases, judgments that may end with who knows what.

Paras, the King's son has had allegations against him for assaulting a police officer with the butt of his firearm for being stopped for drinking and driving. He is alleged to have run over and killed Nepalese singer Praveen Gurung. Nothing came of that. The royal stamp gave then immunity from prosecution but not anymore.

Now the lesson to be learnt more importantly is for the rulers here in India, blue blooded or not. When something becomes too rotten, it can't hold its own weight and is bound to fall. Relics from politics and religion can go blue in the face fighting it. It's pointless. The fall is inevitable.

Television and globalization has changed the world in many ways. When I was a child, kids my age growing up in small towns when not in school, spent the mornings going off into forbidden slug, chameleon and spider infested wild growths and playgrounds, afternoons and evenings flying kites and playing sport and finally sitting in front f the TV waiting for the Doordarshan logo to come spinning at you to present the dreadfully boring Krishi Darshan which meant we'd run out to fly a kite again. We thought that's how it was across the country, that's what everyone did. Obviously that wasn't the case. And it isn't now.

Today when a youngster in a small town turns on TV and watches the Q1-Q2-Q3-Q4 results in hundreds of crores, watches insane salaries and “aspirational” and lifestyle shows on slick channels and gets a supplement like Snob Today or Luxury Today with the India Today exclusive cover story on the Red Maoist Surge, he questions his life, his purpose, his relevance. He questions his piece of the pie. Tell him all you want to go fly a kite. Uhuh! Flying a kite in the afternoon isn't enough any more. He wants more.

It's human nature after all. And here I have on my side to present the compelling argument Shah Rukh Khan and Sachin Tendulkar telling us very convincingly very often in the Pepsi commercial "Ye dil maange more". I loved it. Even Hritik Roshan joining Sachin Tendulkar and Shah Rukh selling us Home Trade, remember the tag line - "Life means MORE". What a slick campaign that was, but I never did understand what Home Trade did or does or didn't do before the promoter got arrested.

So it's not just the rulers, monarchs, aristocrats and netas who want more. Even the aam aadmi wants more as the teeming millions become aware of what is on offer.

Some refuse to change. It's hard to when you have been taught to believe something your whole life. The King may want more, more time, more cars, more perks, more bodyguards, more red light beacon cars etc etc etc, but so do others. And here sheer numbers matter. One individual or family wanting more, however much of a figurehead of Hindu-rashtra he may be is no match for millions wanting more. And wanting more to eat, wanting a little more dignity will spur you on to fight way harder than wanting more to... I don't know, maybe spend on Hermes saddles or satin curtains? And that ground swell will make the pendulum swing the other way and relics clinging to primitive, self-serving ideologies are just attempting to delay the inevitable. That's the lesson that rulers here need to learn, take the honorable exit window given or be blown away by change. In the words of the biggest B.

"Tod marod vitap latikayein,

noch khasot kusum kalikayein.

Jata hai agyat disha ko.

Hato vihangam, Ud jaoge.

Tum toofan samajh paoge?”