Homo Honge Kaamyaab

10 July 2009

A queer thing happened in India in this second week of the seventh month of 2009. An event most gay, when every patriot’s prayers were answered. A week when Bapu Gandhi’s dream was realized. The age old slogan “Hindu-Musim-Sikh-Isai sabhi yahan hain bhai bhai” played out. An act almost as unnatural as the one they were opposing occurred. Religious leaders of all faiths came together as one.

My gay gangrenous gang I quarantine myself from you and your disease. Yes it’s a disease as diagnosed by Baba Ramdev. Is there a vaccine Baba that you can inject me with, gently? And I don’t like it in the arm.

My same sex psychos I pity you for meddling with the natural order of man, as pointed out by the devout Muslim Mullah-ji. I thank thee Mullah-ji for letting our minds and bodies remain intact the way nature intended - well almost.

My deranged dude diggers I fear you for your being a threat to civilization as pointed out by the somber looking Christian priest. Don’t forgive them father for they have sinned. Take them to confessional booth and make them pay.

My horrible homos I shake my head in disbelief and do ardas with Bhaiji as the Akal Takht the highest authority of Sikhism bans gay marriages in Gurudwaras! Bhaiji are you telling me thus far we allowed it? Wahe Guru I can’t believe this. Have I been eating kada-prasad polluted by the shadow of these deviants?

My erring erogenous explorers, I hunt you down with trishuls and vermillion war-paint on my forehead for being a threat to the age old Hindu tradition of only making us beat up hand holding hetro-sexual couples in parks or women having a beverage in a pub.

But my friendly fags I salute you for achieving what no leader in India was able to. All religious high priests unanimously aghast at the tinkering of article 377 and in orchestra like unison they rained on this gay parade.

Oh to see India weaved together by it’s inclusive composite culture. Who would have thought the Islamic Student Union of India would be protesting on the streets as the swetambar Jain priest struck a similar note in the TV studios. Who would have thought that a Christian Padre would be nodding in agreement as Baba Ramdev filed an appeal in the Supreme Court and a senior Hindutva leader echoed those sentiments and an Islamic Imam with untouched beard and clean upper lip pouted, nodded and muttering his harmony completed the symphony.

At the fag end of my hope of a united India I see a gay rainbow. Hah! Spring oh Sunflowers and bloom oh Lilies as the Pansies spread their radiant splendor.

Bapu would be proud that indeed India is the epitome of tolerance, brotherhood and religious unity. Bapu has forever been my hero, my idol. But what he could not achieve with his fasting and self-denial, an indulgent and hedonistic bunch has. I salute you my fairy God-brothers for making this come true and I almost wish I preferred hairy chests on the object of my desire to take some credit for this miracle but until I get there, in solidarity I too shall march with you for ushering in the new century as we sing what patriots hum-

“Homo Honge kaamyaab,

homo honge kaamyaab,

homo honge kaamyaab ek dinnn…”

Clinch a Cliché:

25 June 2009

News runs on clichés. Oft repeated ones like “the million dollar question is whether the budget will xyz” or “Only time will tell whether or not xyz” or “We have to wait and watch whether the budget xyz” or “But good economics does not make good politics as XYZ..”etc.

Clichés are great, they’re good shorthand and they also allow one to say something without saying anything at all, a safe non-committal kind of nothing statement. It’s a necessary requirement for popular media these days. But the last one is the most used on the eve of the budget and is not just a nothing statement, it’s actually misleading. It suggests that it’s desirable or necessary for good politics to be good economics.

Many modern day “good economics” proponents will tell you that taxes and tariffs are bad. They restrict free trade and make a system inefficient. That is if one looks at ledgers and costs and profits and losses. They divert resources to purchase inefficient goods and overall push down an economies standard of living. However consider this, if a nation allows kids to be used for labour, or if there is no concept of a minimum wage or decent working conditions. In an extreme case there is forced labour or working by prisoners like there is in some nations. Or if a nation makes military training compulsory for all – all this effects the demand and supply and prices for goods and services from laying pipelines to making firecrackers to military equipment and uniforms. Should there be restrictive trade barriers by way of taxes and levies depending on working conditions, rights to unionize etc? These are really simple examples taken for the sake of clarity. Things get way more complex than this if one wants to dissect many cases of levies. Kids or prisoners working in sub human conditions is not an economic decision its about a value system. The parameters that decide how and to whom cheap and easy credit should me made available too stems from a value system. Letting crackers be made and sold cheap from factories in Sivakasi is good economics. But is it good politics? Economics measure efficiencies in rather simple ways. Some try harder and include health care costs that are a by-product of working conditions, some go further and include other externalities. Basically one can include any thing and exclude anything you like depending on the outcome you want. Now for politics. Politics is a much larger canvas. Economics is just one small aspect of that painting. Politics is about governance. Governance is about people and value systems of nations and societies. That’s why political parties are so steeped in ideology one way or another. That’s the ultimate parameter to visualize their politics and thus their governance.

So of course good economics can almost never be good politics in the simple ways we try to make it so. Trying to confine t in that space is taking on a task way beyond its scope, it’s undesirable and wholly inadequate.

All economics gives us are certain indicators that are quantifiable and can be drawn on a chart. These one can choose to use or ignore and may or may not have any major impact on larger decisions. And after the ways in which recent history has demonstrated the accuracy of economic models, one needs to put that exercise in perspective.

There’s the old story of Akbar and Birbal where Akbar asks Birbal to round up the seven most foolish men in his kingdom. Out of the five Birbal rounds up (Akbar and Birbal being the final two. The king for asking for such a search and his trusted minister for carrying it out). One of Birbal’s discovery is a man looking for a ring under a lamp post (lit with kerosene back then I’m assuming). So Birbal asks him what he’s looking for. The man says he lost his ring behind the bushes some distance away from the lamp-post. So Birbal asks him why he’s looking here under the lamp and not where he lost the ring. “Because it’s dark back there and I cant see a thing so I figured I’d look where there is light.” was the answer that qualified the man in Birbal’s list. So while the exercise was futile, at least the man felt he was doing something, an honest attempt by one with intent and energy but not much by way of foresight or vision.

So if this “Good Economics Good Politics” is a discussion or debate for a feel good factor, a sort of intellectual exercise of presentations and trickery, that’s just fine. Like a performance or a sit-com that keeps you interested, makes one smile, applaud and often be impressed by various skills. But that’s not where one will find the lost ring. So will we abandon the Good economics Vs Good politics line and start using another cliché on budgets and policy decisions? That’s a million dollar question which only time will tell as we have to wait and watch… etc.

Smile. You're On TV!

30 April 2009.

Jaago Re. The Lok Sabha election is upon us. And in case you were dozing, three sure shot election rituals to remind you its poll time. 

Ritual One.

Use of a phrase that is banished into oblivion between elections -“Pro Poor Policy”. Another PPP model much like the boring done to death sold by every public policy salesman in the 5 years between elections (the other PPP being the Public Private Partnership for the uninitiated). You’ll have business experts and policy experts and chat shows throwing this phrase around. Will we see “Pro Poor Policy”? Shouldn’t that be taken for granted? So a country who is below many sub Saharan African nations on the Human Development Index and has more people dying of starvation, malnutrition and pregnancy related illnesses than anywhere else on earth - if policy isn’t pro poor then it’ll be pro what? Pro Martians? Pro Item Song Performers? Pro Harrods shoppers? But see the beauty - it usually is pro Martians, and item number stars and corporate czars, so Pro Poor Policy is a term that’s fished out at election time for novelty value. “Pro Poor Policy” in the Indian context is like saying we will now consider “Wet Water” or better still a “Pro Water Fish” and “Pro flight aircraft”. As opposed to the anti water fish and the anti flight planes that we should be encountering ordinarily. And no one seems to get the irony of this “Pro Poor Policy” phrase as they spit it out with straight faces on TV. And no one smiles!

Ritual Two.

Dramatic sound effects. Music with lots of reverb and base - sort of like the climax of The Last Mohicans type film. SUDDENLY!

A face in three quarter profile. Not three quarter face but three quarter back of head with thinning mane. Slowly turns around. It’s frowning. Looking angry. Is it an advertisement for indigestion? Is it a show about dealing with urban stress and anger management? No wait. Grumpy gent is Election Expert or historian or someone very knowledgeable.

Voice over booms informing us of - The Most Formidable Election Team on TV or The Best Pollster or The Best Most Brilliant Genius who knows everything about everything brings you a special show with a grouchy face. Often arms folded over chest in a don’t mess with me pose.

Freeze frame. Timings of show at the bottom.

Why is a rotten face the sign of someone to be taken seriously? Cant a smiling face be insightful? I’d like to see a face that smiles and says  - “See.  I’m so happy because I know so much. I have so much knowledge and the truth sets you free. So I smile and tell you what a rotten electoral process this is but my mood and face isn’t.”  I like. Already I’m a fan.

There’s a difference in being an angry person and having anger in you. As they say (they being smart people who know it all) - Don’t be an angry person but never lose the anger within. A rotten face doesn’t mean you’ll be taken seriously. Be pleasant. You’re on TV. And no one smiles?

Ritual Three:

This one is high on the cute and precocious index. Many public awareness spots and messages telling you to vote. Which is great I think. I mean I’m all for making an informed decision and going out there and voting. Informed decision being the operative phrase. But some are just too supercilious. Like the Jaagore one. It informs you that if you aren’t voting you’re sleeping. Its great if you believe in a candidate. And I’d be the last to discourage anyone from voting. But if you don’t and all the options before you suck, it means “you are sleeping”, is going a bit far. But that’s exactly what two young boys hitting puberty with the first wisps of hair on their upper lips will have you believe. I’m sure there is much excitement and anticipation in the first kiss, the first drive the first vote and other firsts. But to think a person who doesn’t vote is sleeping and not as involved in the democratic process is a bit pompous. The message is apparently aimed at the middle and upper middle class who has the most miserable voting turnout.

So every five years this class watches the ads, gets charged up, wakes up stands in line and goes to sleep again. What do they do in the 5 years between? Swallow the same lies, bribe their way through each day, overlook and are often active accomplices to a corrupt and self-serving bureaucracy. Ever tried to get people involved in some campaign or drive or movement that requires them to do more than press a button on a holiday? Trust me in the five years between elections it’s not sleep, its comatose.

Now see I have a confession to make, I don’t vote. I haven’t for the last 2 terms. Of course between 1995 and 1999 I got a lot of action. Three times really fast one after the other as successive governments collapsed and mid term polls were held. And boy was I an enthusiastic voter then. I even remember my  - Oh so clever piece to camera as a reporter. “This is Abhinandan Sekhri Voting and Reporting…”  I chirped into the camera. No joke. Seriously.  That was my closing piece to camera from the polling booth. Line delivered effortlessly as I stuffed my ballot paper (No EVM machines then) into the ballot box and I had to get it right the first time because I couldn’t do a take two and stuff another ballot paper in. You weren’t allowed to cast more than one vote unless you were indulging in booth capturing. I just couldn’t get over my clever piece to camera. At least I smiled. Oh how I gloated. Just like the two frowning, fury filled boys telling a crowd and me that if we aren’t voting we are sleeping. But I’d rather be awake in the 5 years in between. So on polling day if I’m not voting I guess I’m sleeping. Well G’night then. Young lads, am sure you’d have changed the world when I wake up. And please then at least, someone smile. 

Pakistan Wins - Again.

Democracy wins! Pakistan Wins! Scream headlines and crawlers on TV. Pakistan has won so many times that the trophy case is running out of space. Another victory, another round of euphoria and dances in the streets with the same old steps. Six months or so ago Pakistan had “Won” defeating Gen. Parvez Musharraf. The people of Pakistan have been reduced to the same pattern - 6 months, 6 years, 6 decades and will in all likelihood be dancing in the streets when Mian Nawaz Sharif or Gillani or anyone else is booted and democracy is victorious once again. That’s because rulers have been changing in Pakistan the rules have not, but that may be enough for the dancers for now - Dil behlane ke liye Ghalib, ye khayal bhi acha hai.

Many make a big deal of the Taliban officially taking over Swat valley but was Benazir really much different from a Taliban Mullah? I recall my very first assignment as a researcher, we weren’t made reporters until we did our time in the doghouse back then. It was a story on the MQM (Muttuhida Quami Movement) and Altaf Hussain, its founder. As a researcher assigned to a reporter on that story (reporters had the luxury of having a researcher do all the reading and viewing and photo copying to filter through the clutter), I had to go through hours of footage of Pakistani leaders and pages of newsprint. As I was watching the nth speech/interview/byte on Umatic tapes, dozing off eyes glazed, a booming voice shook me awake. There on the monitor I see the Oxford and Harvard educated Benazir Bhutto in a crazed voice, breaking as she hits hysterical pitch, face contorting in contrived rage “Inki ragon mein khoon bhi alag rang ka hota hai” (Even the blood in their (Mohajirs or refugees) veins is of a different colour.) I was aghast since like most 20 year old public school educated trainee reporters (which was a rarity then and is the norm now) I used to assume that if the person spoke good English, dressed well and had a “good” education the person must have all desirable liberal virtues and conservative values and was on “our side”. That myth was busted over the years and alas, just like many blue blooded rajas in our own midst, the rulers of Pakistan remain as feudal in their mindset as any Mullah Omar no matter which continent they are sent to, to swap their white salwar kameez for a lawyers gown - if you’re the stereotype which is so often true its scary. So while many find it hard to swallow how the Pakistani quam can tolerate a Taliban over a PPP in the Swat Valley, it really isn’t that hard a choice. They aren’t very far from each other on the liberal-conservative spectrum.

It’s not polite to say this but must be said that Pakistan has time and again proved itself to be a barbaric and primitive society. The way it deals with its own issues of gender, poverty, landlessness, the ease with which privatization processes hand over public works to vested interests have all been indications of a short sighted archaic mindset. What is most tragic is even the “civil society” is civil in the Taliban and Hudood ordinance context. The Hudood ordinance is what decided rape cases until as late as 2006. The ordinance stated that if a woman accused a man of rape she must present 4 male witnesses of good character to have witnessed the act of penetration! That is correct, the brilliance of this ordinance is the assumption that 4 men of “good character” will stand by and watch a rape until the act of penetration (wouldn’t that make their character questionable? Catch 22?) And if the woman was unable to present 4 such witnesses she’d be tried for Zina (adultery) for which she can be imprisoned or stoned or beaten with lashes etc. And this is way before Taliban was on the radar. The Hudood ordinance was not toned down or struck off by the liberated Benazir Bhutto or savior of democracy Nawaz Sharif during their stints as Prime Minister. It was General Parvez Musharraf who through the Women’s Protection Bill made it possible for rapists to be tried by civil laws. But Pakistan is liberated from his clutches after the last victory (before the one this week). And there is the Lion of Punjab, Mian Sahib with a brand new mane who is the symbol of Jamooriyat. Shava!

It’s not about a leader or two, in nations with huge economic and social disparities, the elite and privileged of a nation will determine its direction. Its not Pakistan’s politicians but the countries entire elite that has failed their nation completely. Even in their self indulgent Oh we fight for Pakistan belief they continue to fight to retain their aristocratic ways and this process has repeated itself over years. Pakistan winning again and again and again.

Prof Jared Diamond, one of the world’s leading evolutionary biologist and anthropologist has a hypothesis of why societies collapse. His study is applicable in a much longer term but is relevant in the medium term too. Based on a detailed study of societies around the world down the ages from the Greenland Norse to Somalia and Rwanda, he has listed 5 things that determine a society’s collapse.

- Human impact on environment.
- Climate change (man made or otherwise)
- Relations with neighboring friendly societies that may prop up a society.
- Relations with hostile societies that may hasten the demise.
- The political and cultural factors such as the interests of the decision-making elite and the rest of society.

It is only the first and last items on that checklist that are within a nation’s or society’s immediate control. The political and cultural factors refer to a conflict or contradiction between the short term interests of the decision making elite and long term interest of the society in general. On that front Pakistan has failed again and again and I have no doubt will continue to unless there is a revolutionary change. The Taliban in that sense is a step forward. The invisible is now visible. For the people who want real change in Pakistan it’s easier to fight the Kalashnikov wielding menacing looking militant and appear righteous in doing so rather than taking on a sophisticated English speaking educated elite with a primitive mindset. That’s a tricky adversary who can make you look bad. And in this - opinion formed by fleeting images times, you cant look bad to an international audience. For those who think the Chief Justice’s re-instatement and Lion Nawaz of the new flowing mane will change things in any way. Don’t hold your breath.

If we look at Indian politics and society do we see some similarities? Maybe more than we’d like to acknowledge. We are still not too far down that path and can correct our course, and with elections round the corner one has the chance to do so.